Tuesday, March 30, 2010

strange how hard it rains.

I am passionate.

I get angry.
I frustrate people.
I know that.
I'm sorry.

I have this thought in the back of my head-
If you love something, if you care,
You'll yell and fight and cry and overreact.

I've found two typical formulas for passion:
Care --> Fight = Passion
Care --> Cry = Passion

I'm a little ridiculous sometimes.
I overreact.
I am passionate.
I care.
I'm not sorry.

"It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right."
- Rain, Patty Griffin

Friday, March 26, 2010

wishlist.

There is so much I want.

I want.

I'm so happy right now. In this moment, I am content.
But despite this current state, there is so much I still want.
Think of that sentence like we're in an Austen novel.
I want for things.

And it's lots of things. But they pretty much add up to the same thing.
What I think will bring me true happiness- that's what I want.
Yes, I know that there is Someone who can fulfill all of my needs and desires.
But-
I want.

Dream [n. dreem] a wish your heart makes

I've become a dreamer.
I haven't always been that way. In fact, I've been quite the realist.
Trust me- I still am that way. All the time.
But-
I want.

There are things I want.
And I'm not ready to settle.
I don't feel prepared.
But I'm getting impatient.
I want.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

nostalgia.

It's spring break.

"Calamity Jane" was on tonight. You know, the one with Doris Day, circa 1953? The best Western musical, well, EVER? "At last my heart's an open door, and my secret love's no secret anymore"?

Yes, that one.

I planned on watching it during the commericals of "Golden Girls," but that didn't work out. I couldn't turn it off. Isn't it funny how a movie can bring back memories? Okay. Well. Maybe it's just me.

While I was watching Adelaid Adams- not the real Adelaid, though- I thought of Grandma.

When I was in probably the seventh grade, I had to write a report on a Western character. Western like cowboys and indians. I got Calamity Jane. And I had no idea who Calamity Jane was. I asked Grandma- she was old, right?- and she just came back the next day with a VHS in hand. That was the first time I watched "Calamity Jane." And, seriously, I was obssessed with her the rest of the year. I wanted to be Calamity.

I miss the old days. Even though I'm not old enough to have old days.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

the ghost queen.

My last post concerned language:
This post concerns a master of it.

The Regina Spektor.

She's fascinating. I have a slight, come-and-go obssession with her. I find her absolutely brilliant.

"They'll name a city after us
And later say it's all our fault
Then they'll give us a talking to
Then they'll give us a talking to
Cause they've got years of experience
We're living in a den of thieves
Rummaging for answers in the pages
We're living in a den of thieves
And it's contagious"
-- Us

Her voice is different. It's really unexplainable.
Yes. I'm well aware it's strange to put so much admiration in one artist that I write an entire blog on her. But seriously.
Her lyrics take thought. They have a process. I like that. I respect that.
My new favorite of hers:

"No one laughs at God in a hosptial
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God
When they're starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one's laughing at God
When it's gotten real late
And their kid's not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God
When their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake
No one's laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they're mistaken
No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one's laughing at God
When there's famine or fire or flood

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke
Or when the crazies say he hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke
God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God
When they've lost all they've got
And they don't know what for
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God when they're saying their goodbyes

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke
Or when the crazies say he hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke
God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket or Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious

No one's laughing at God
We're all laughing with God"

-- Laughing With

Thursday, March 18, 2010

speaking in tongues.

No.
No.
No.
No.
No.

Non.
Jo.
Nein.
Ni hea.
Hapana.

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

Oui.
Po.
Si.
Kylla.
Ndio.

Language.
My favorite gift from God.
Or one of them.
I wish I could speak eloquently.
I wish I was poetic.
Even if I dislike most poetry.
But maybe that's for a reason-
Being poetic isn't something paltry.
So-
Here's to the poets, the real ones.
Here's to my God, it's a terribly incredible gift,
Language.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

cindy lou who.

I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am a student.
I am a planner.
I am a musician.
I am a realist.
I am a critic.
I am conservative.
I am indecisive
I am honest.
I am impatient.
I am a believer.
I am Melody Hope Cook.

Friday, March 12, 2010

it happens.

I want life to go like I want it to go.
I'm incredibly self-centered.
I know what I want.
My life is fantastic-
but not perfect.
And I wish it was.
But my definition of perfect isn't exactly the correct definition.

Perfect [n. pur fikt] desirable; impossible

The Rolling Stones said it the best:
"You can't always get what you want,
but if you try sometimes, you just might find,
you get what you need."

And I know what I need.
I just need to learn to be okay with more than Enough.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

wrap them in my arms.

I want to be a good person.

As stereotypical and cliche as it is, I do.

I want to see you grow old. I want to see people live.

I want to help.
I want to impact.
I want to be positive.
I want to love.
I want to encourage.
I want to be good.

Again, I ask for accountability.

I saw an old friend for the first time in two and a half years. We had lunch. For the first time, I saw how much I've really changed. I'm still Melody deep down, right?

God, I hope so. Help me get back there.

"Now that I have seen,
I am responsible.
Faith without deeds is dead.
Now that I have held you in my own arms,
I cannot let go till you are."
- Albertine, Brooke Fraser.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

gloria.

I heard Gloria Steinem speak.

I am not a feminist. I do not claim to be a liberal. I do not follow political activism.

Gloria Steinem influenced me.

I didn't agree with everything she said. But she is a great woman, one who has influenced the world.

Everyone wants to influence the world, to have an impact. She did it.

Tonight, one particular thing she wrote in her keynote speech really spoke to me.

She said that we are an "either/or" society. That we should become an "and" society. She talked about friendship. We should know one another.

We should influence each other.

I love everyone who has influenced me in some way. Everyone who has impacted my life.

Thank you.