smiling.

I like who I am.
I'm in a good place.

If I want to
Yell at someone,
Cry for the first time in months,
Argue about nothing,
Laugh about something that isn't funny,
Well,
That's just okay.

I can stress out about the stupid things later.
Right now, I know whose hands I'm in.
God'll take care of me.
He likes me too.

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be every so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

I might be a loser,
But just
Take me for me.

crash.

I hope this makes sense.
At least somewhat.

I wish God used a turn signal.
I wish He just showed me what His will is that simply.
I wish that when I made a bad decision,
There would be a big sign:
Wrong Way.

But He doesn't.
And there isn't.

I have to trust him.

What if I make a wrong turn?
What if I speed?
What if my car breaks down?
What if I get lost?

I'm already found.
I just have to trust.

not ready to make nice.

Forgiveness.

I feel attacked,
I'm hurt, and I'm tired.
Just stop.
It's too hard to forgive
When it's still not over.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.
-Ephesians 4:2 NLT

People are not perfect.
We are made in the image of perfection.
That's it.
It is our goal to strive for perfection.
I must allow for you.
Allow for me in return.

"In your anger, do not sin:" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
-Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV

I want to be rude and cruel.
Get over yourself.
Stop bothering me.
This is your fault.
But I must live in His image.
Why is that so hard?
Why am I trying to do this on my own?

I can't.

life isn't fair.

I want the future.
I'm so confused.
Decisions are difficult.
I feel threatened.

Trust.
That word needs to be more a part of my vocabulary,
Everyday.
There is a bigger picture.

I am old.
I feel like I've been suffocating.
I want out of this situation.

The possibilities are endless,
But I want to limit them.
I am a planner.
Letting that go,
Letting go of my plan-
It's just not okay with me.

My old soul wants to thrive.

more than fine.

I have suffered.
Now I will
Heal.

It happens.
But I feel like I invite it in.
Why?

Hope.

Things will get better.
I'll be happy-
I am happy.
Why am I complaining?

I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only.
I would like to be that unnoticed & that necessary.
- Margaret Atwood

ready.

I'm ready for a new chapter.
I'm ready for a new place.
I'm ready for summertime.
I'm ready to breathe new air.
I'm ready to be somebody.

"This is the way it ends
Don't tell me it's meaningless
There'll be no compromise
We fall and we too shall rise
You held me and taught me how
I think I am ready now
If this is the way it ends
This is the way it's meant to be"
- The Way It Ends, Landon Pigg

one more day.

Things are difficult.
But I'm right there-
On the edge of happiness.

Just a blip in the radar.

I've come to know so much.
I'm ready to take hold of
This new place I've found.

"We can never go home
We no longer have one."
- No Sound But The Wind, Editors

I like being in control
Of myself
Of the situation.
This isn't in control.
Not completely, anyway.
I hate that feeling in my stomach.

Frustration.
Regret.
Hope.

I don't want life
To pass me by.

the word.

I believe the Bible is true.
In every sense of the the word.

I believe there is only one interpretation.
I used to struggle with that.
I guess I still do.
But God wrote it as He did.
And it is Truth.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
John 1:1

I don't claim to know how to interpret the Bible, exactly.
But I know that it is.
I know that it must be taken not in part,
But as a whole.
I know that God knows what He's doing.
It's not for us to figure out;
It's about trust.
There's that word again.
I have to find myself in Him,
In His beautiful, true Word.

"When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You."
- Shadowfeet, Brooke Fraser

imperitave.

I have a problem with authority.

I hate being told what to do.
I don't take order's well.
I get frustrated.
I'm immature.
I overreact like no one's business.

Authority is a good thing.
I can't be the leader of my own life.
For some people, that might work.
Not for me.
I'd rather let Someone bigger show me the way.

But it's not as easy as I want it to be.

I want to grow up
Right now.
I want to be 27,
Degrees in hand,
In the real world.
I'm itching to be let go,
To run out the door,
Never look back.

But I want to be ready.
I must trust Him.
His will, His time-
It will come.

Bring it on.

life is good.

My 8-year-old cousin B tells a lot of stories.
He always gets this look on his face- "Listen to me!"
His eyebrows are raised, his hands move a lot,
He walks in circles and jumps up and down,
And, with plent of and's and um's,
He tells his story-
And it is always the best story EVER.

This might seem like a silly, immature thing-
But I really wish I was like that.
I wish that I saw life as story after story,
Every one more dramatic that the last.
B tells things the way he sees them.
I think that's the best part of it all-
He really, actually is that excited.

I'm too melodramatic.
I'm too prone to overreact.
I'm too easily frustrated.
I'm too sarcastic.

"I finally came to grips that my life may not be legit
And I haven't ever felt this good in years."
-Actions Not Words, Crash Romeo

So-
I will laugh more.
I will talk to God all the time.
I will listen to the Ting Tings often.

Life is too happy to be sad all the time.

strange how hard it rains.

I am passionate.

I get angry.
I frustrate people.
I know that.
I'm sorry.

I have this thought in the back of my head-
If you love something, if you care,
You'll yell and fight and cry and overreact.

I've found two typical formulas for passion:
Care --> Fight = Passion
Care --> Cry = Passion

I'm a little ridiculous sometimes.
I overreact.
I am passionate.
I care.
I'm not sorry.

"It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right."
- Rain, Patty Griffin

wishlist.

There is so much I want.

I want.

I'm so happy right now. In this moment, I am content.
But despite this current state, there is so much I still want.
Think of that sentence like we're in an Austen novel.
I want for things.

And it's lots of things. But they pretty much add up to the same thing.
What I think will bring me true happiness- that's what I want.
Yes, I know that there is Someone who can fulfill all of my needs and desires.
But-
I want.

Dream [n. dreem] a wish your heart makes

I've become a dreamer.
I haven't always been that way. In fact, I've been quite the realist.
Trust me- I still am that way. All the time.
But-
I want.

There are things I want.
And I'm not ready to settle.
I don't feel prepared.
But I'm getting impatient.
I want.

nostalgia.

It's spring break.

"Calamity Jane" was on tonight. You know, the one with Doris Day, circa 1953? The best Western musical, well, EVER? "At last my heart's an open door, and my secret love's no secret anymore"?

Yes, that one.

I planned on watching it during the commericals of "Golden Girls," but that didn't work out. I couldn't turn it off. Isn't it funny how a movie can bring back memories? Okay. Well. Maybe it's just me.

While I was watching Adelaid Adams- not the real Adelaid, though- I thought of Grandma.

When I was in probably the seventh grade, I had to write a report on a Western character. Western like cowboys and indians. I got Calamity Jane. And I had no idea who Calamity Jane was. I asked Grandma- she was old, right?- and she just came back the next day with a VHS in hand. That was the first time I watched "Calamity Jane." And, seriously, I was obssessed with her the rest of the year. I wanted to be Calamity.

I miss the old days. Even though I'm not old enough to have old days.

the ghost queen.

My last post concerned language:
This post concerns a master of it.

The Regina Spektor.

She's fascinating. I have a slight, come-and-go obssession with her. I find her absolutely brilliant.

"They'll name a city after us
And later say it's all our fault
Then they'll give us a talking to
Then they'll give us a talking to
Cause they've got years of experience
We're living in a den of thieves
Rummaging for answers in the pages
We're living in a den of thieves
And it's contagious"
-- Us

Her voice is different. It's really unexplainable.
Yes. I'm well aware it's strange to put so much admiration in one artist that I write an entire blog on her. But seriously.
Her lyrics take thought. They have a process. I like that. I respect that.
My new favorite of hers:

"No one laughs at God in a hosptial
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God
When they're starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one's laughing at God
When it's gotten real late
And their kid's not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God
When their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake
No one's laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they're mistaken
No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one's laughing at God
When there's famine or fire or flood

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke
Or when the crazies say he hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke
God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God
When they've lost all they've got
And they don't know what for
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God when they're saying their goodbyes

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke
Or when the crazies say he hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke
God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket or Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious

No one's laughing at God
We're all laughing with God"

-- Laughing With

speaking in tongues.

No.
No.
No.
No.
No.

Non.
Jo.
Nein.
Ni hea.
Hapana.

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

Oui.
Po.
Si.
Kylla.
Ndio.

Language.
My favorite gift from God.
Or one of them.
I wish I could speak eloquently.
I wish I was poetic.
Even if I dislike most poetry.
But maybe that's for a reason-
Being poetic isn't something paltry.
So-
Here's to the poets, the real ones.
Here's to my God, it's a terribly incredible gift,
Language.

cindy lou who.

I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am a student.
I am a planner.
I am a musician.
I am a realist.
I am a critic.
I am conservative.
I am indecisive
I am honest.
I am impatient.
I am a believer.
I am Melody Hope Cook.

it happens.

I want life to go like I want it to go.
I'm incredibly self-centered.
I know what I want.
My life is fantastic-
but not perfect.
And I wish it was.
But my definition of perfect isn't exactly the correct definition.

Perfect [n. pur fikt] desirable; impossible

The Rolling Stones said it the best:
"You can't always get what you want,
but if you try sometimes, you just might find,
you get what you need."

And I know what I need.
I just need to learn to be okay with more than Enough.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

wrap them in my arms.

I want to be a good person.

As stereotypical and cliche as it is, I do.

I want to see you grow old. I want to see people live.

I want to help.
I want to impact.
I want to be positive.
I want to love.
I want to encourage.
I want to be good.

Again, I ask for accountability.

I saw an old friend for the first time in two and a half years. We had lunch. For the first time, I saw how much I've really changed. I'm still Melody deep down, right?

God, I hope so. Help me get back there.

"Now that I have seen,
I am responsible.
Faith without deeds is dead.
Now that I have held you in my own arms,
I cannot let go till you are."
- Albertine, Brooke Fraser.

gloria.

I heard Gloria Steinem speak.

I am not a feminist. I do not claim to be a liberal. I do not follow political activism.

Gloria Steinem influenced me.

I didn't agree with everything she said. But she is a great woman, one who has influenced the world.

Everyone wants to influence the world, to have an impact. She did it.

Tonight, one particular thing she wrote in her keynote speech really spoke to me.

She said that we are an "either/or" society. That we should become an "and" society. She talked about friendship. We should know one another.

We should influence each other.

I love everyone who has influenced me in some way. Everyone who has impacted my life.

Thank you.

ring of fire.

I want to be on fire.

"But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries"
- On Fire, Switchfoot

I believe in different kinds of fire. I want that fire. The fire I had before.

Fire burns. I want to burn.

Fire is essence; it's continuously in motion- alive. I want to be alive.

I want to hear Him speak.

"If I acted crazy, I did it for God; if I acted overly serious, it was for you. Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do."
- 1 Corinthians 5:13-14 (The Message)

rhino virus.

Sick day.










I wish I lived where I live.
I am learning to drive a stick.
But it keeps stalling at stop signs.
I want music to pay for college.
Maybe I want music.
Maybe I don't.
I hate not knowing.
I prayed for Haiti today.
I never want to forget.
I miss the old days.
Except I'm not old enough to have old days.
I want to grow up faster than I will.
No, time will not fly by.
That's something you think after your life is over.
Not while it's happening.
I talk too loudly.
I wish I had taken dance lessons when I was little.
Everyone else did.
I have too many interests.
I want, need to volunteer.
I want to hold a beating heart.
That's on my bucket list.
Even though I don't have one.
I wish I knew about photography.
What am I good at?
I prayed for Haiti again.
I have a cold.
My throat hurts.
I wish I was kind.
I think too much.
I should get out and do more often.
I believe in God.
I am intrepid.

tolerate.

I have a hard time with tolerance.

I have my beliefs, and I like to think that I stick to them, yet keep an open mind.

But- honestly- I'm not so sure I do.
Sometimes I just nod and agree.
Sometimes I won't listen to anyone I do not agree with.

I want to have an open mind. I want to believe what I choose to believe. Is that possible? Does that make sense?

• I do not believe in abortion.
• I am economically conservative.
• I believe that same sex couples deserve more rights, even if I do not agree with their "lifestyle," as people call it.
• I do not think a woman should be president.
• I believe war is necessary sometimes.
• I believe in freedom of speech.
• I find the Patriot Act unpatriotic.
• I want to help others.

Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps my beliefs will change as I grow up and mature. Maybe you don't agree with me. Maybe I don't agree with you. That's okay. There's no such thing as black and white.

I want an open mind. I want to not judge. With the grace of my God alone can I do that.

• I believe my God is real.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I can't even look at other religions. I know Who's real. But in this world of political corrected-ness, I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to know that.

But I know Who is real.

two coins.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound to every good work."
-- 2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV

People always say, God is love.

Well, yeah. He's love. He created it. He loves harder than anything he created. But I also like to remember that God is grace.

God is grace.

Grace is such a powerful thing. I heard it described yesterday as "receiving what we do not deserve," while mercy is "not receiving what we do deserve." But that's another blog for another day.

Something so indescribably incredible. The greatest blessing we know. That which allows us a relationship with our Creator.

I hate the way that I am capable of ignoring His grace. I go throughout my day without noticing that grace is being showered on me at every moment. I am ungrateful and selfish. I want to stop. But the simple fact is: I like sin.

Yup. I just said that: I like sin. Why? Because it's easy.

But I see friends that walk with Him daily. And suddenly it's all I can think about. What am I missing out on? I miss praying as I walk down the hallway at school. I miss discovering the little things in the Bible that seemed to be written just for me. I miss having Someone to trust completely and wholly.

So why not give in, and trust Him with my entire self?

This isn't a post about some life changing epiphany I've had. No, it's just a restatement of the ungrateful wretch I am. It's a plea for accountability from the hardly existent readers of this blog.

Why the sudden (well, okay, fine, maybe not sudden) desire for grace? I read the story of the woman with two coins today.

From Mark 12:41-44 NIV --
"Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts of money. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, 'I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything - all she had to live on.'"

"'All the other gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford - she gave her all.'"
-- Mark 12:44 The Message

That verse is exactly what I want: To give my all, to give extravagantly. I want to be the woman who gives her every possession, totaling less than a penny, to God. Out of faith. Trusting that His grace is sufficient.

i believe in symmetry.

I want:
To help.
To make people laugh.
To not be so cruel.
To believe more.
To volunteer.
To never give up.
To be remembered as a good person.
To trust.
To let my freak flag fly.
To try harder.
To spend my time wiser.
To learn from mistakes.
To take others' examples.

I need:
To be eternal.

indescribable.

I love the color of the sky right after it's snowed. It's my favorite color in the whole world. It's almost grey, but not really. It's not blue, either. There's so much in there- lilac, periwinkle, gold, silver, etc. (I'm seeing newly opened boxes of Crayola as I write this)

It's beautiful. Those are the little things that make me think of God.

I wish I found more of those things throughout the day. I mean- I know there are countless "little things" that should make me think of Him. But I only catch a few. Like the color of the sky right after it's snowed.

Divine.

Exquisite.

Radiant.

Stunning.

I took a walk the second snow day. I took the Rebel with me. I ended up taking around 150 pictures. There were a select few that I thought captured my feelings that day. Those pictures- brace yourself, this might sound a little odd- were a form of worship for me. Those pictures might just be downright terrible photography- but I took them thinking of God's creation, and how Divine, Exquisite, Radiant, and Stunning it is.

I love my Adonai. I love His indescribable Works.

Indescribable, uncontainable

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name

You are amazing, God

All powerful, untameable

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing, God

- Indescribable, Chris Tomlin

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

- Psalm 139:23-24 NLT

the art of performance.

Tonight. The 2010 Grammy Awards.

I've never been a huge fan of the Grammys, personally. I don't listen to a whole lot of Top 40. I mean, I know the names, most of the songs. But I'm more a Regina/Ingrid/Kate kind of girl. Tonight, though, I decided to watch.
Boy, am I glad I did.

I appreciate a good performance. By anyone. Be musical, theatrical, visual, whatever. Tonight, the Grammys. A showcase of real performers.

That's why they're there, I think. Everyone of them- whether it's your genre- you must appreciate what they do. As cliche as it is- their art.
Take The Lady, for example. Seriously. This is art, people. Her outfits, whether you're a fan or not- they are certainly a concrete form of a art. It took some serious thought to create these ensembles. Oh, Gaga.

One day, I will write a complete blog just on her. I find her brilliant.

Then there was Beyonce's performance of "If I Were A Boy" combined in a set with Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know." I think that just about says it all. She sang freaking Alanis Morissette. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfbBun2l9GE (I'm not sure if this video will actually work...) Beyonce is a performer. I respect her for it. If I had the chance, her concert would be top of my list. Well. After The Lady, of course.

Okay. Now we come to it:

Taylor Swift.

Well. This is my opinion. Tayswift is adorable. Her lyrics, her humility. She really is. I like her. I listen to her music (I can't believe I just wrote that, and I'm glad only two people in the entire world read this).

But really. She didn't deserve Album of the Year. I can't say who did. But I don't believe it was her. Sure. Her album was a huge staple of 2009. Yes, I agree with that. But I do not think it was THE album. If you give a performance that bad (poor Stevie Nicks), you can't win the biggest award of the night. Sorry.

But yet again- Taylor defies us all. You got it, girl. Much as I disagree, you certainly got it. So go you.

ya-ya.

"We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later.... Our mothers are racked with the pains of our physical birth; we ourselves suffer the longer pains of our spiritual growth."
- Mary Antin

Above is one of the epigraphs to Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I'm reading it right now. It's about these four friends:

The Ya-Ya's.

I wish I was a Ya-Ya. They know what it's all about.

"Setting the magnifying glass aside for a moment, Sidda relaxed her eyes so that the photo was only vaguely in focus. An afternoon of iced tea and idleness. Those Ya-Yas aren't going anywhere. They're lying low on the side porch shaded by live oaks. The Germans are about to reach Stalingrad, and the gas chambers are heating up, but the Ya-Yas are still in high school, and the life of the porch surrounds them. They are lazy together. This is comfort. This is joy. Just look at these four. Not one wears a watch. This porch time is not planned. Not penciled into a DayRunner.
Those porch girls had no idea they were going to sprawl on that couch until the weight of their adolescent bodies sank down into the pillows. They have no idea when they will get up off that couch. They have no plans for what will happen next. They only know their bodies touching as they try to keep cool. They only know that coolest spot they can find is in front of that rotary fan.
I want to lay up like that, to float unstructured, without ambition or anxiety. I want to inhabit my life like a porch."

I yearn for summer. I yearn for deep friendship(s).

I feel empowered as of late. I feel bold. Like I can make mistakes, and it's okay. The world will not end if I fail a math test.

I'm so ready for summer. There's more snow on the ground outside than I've seen in all my life, and I just want summer. It's silly, really. I love cold weather, snow, etc. But I just want. Silly me. I'll play in the snow tomorrow. Then I will anxiously await summertime.

I want to be a Ya-Ya.

silly.

I feel good today. I just decided- today is a good day. I love rain. My umbrella broke on my way into church. I laughed.

Today is a good day.

I want to feel silly.

Silly is such a strange word. Silly- it sounds like an abreviation. Now that I've typed it so many times, it doesn't even look like a word. Hmm.

Sillysillysillysilly.
Silly.

I met a man of two feet tall
This man was quite ambitious
In a world that is so vicious to us all
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have lived by my whole life
"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall"
- On the Brightside, nevershoutnever!

I hope I can keep feeling silly as I attempt the dreaded English IA.

trumpets.

Ahhh. Long weekend. Midstate.

Melodramatic post time!

You know, pain is real. I can't ignore that. Sometimes things are easier to say, hey, that's not real. It doesn't affect me.

Take Haiti, for example. I'm not in Haiti- I'm in Tennessee. So then, what does Haiti matter to
me? Why should their pain matter to me?

Because. It's real.








Toddlers hit their heads on tables. Fathers get fired. People die.

Pain.
Is.
Real.

It's fact. It's logic. It's science.

"You may not like it, but we need pain. Pain acts as a warning system that protects you. Pain says, "Warning, Warning....stop what you doing and do something else." Pain also helps healing...because an injury hurts, you rest."
- http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/pain.html

The quote above is taken from a neuroscience for kids article. I think, in it's simplicity, it says what I want to say.

"Everytime I see you, I still hear trumpets."
- 1000 Times a Day, The Early November

joy.

Why aren't I joyful? Why don't I sing praises to God every moment of every day?

In Haiti, they're singing praises.

"Prayers of thanksgiving and cries for help rose from Haiti's huddled homeless Sunday, the sixth day of an epic humanitarian crisis that was straining the world's ability to respond and igniting flare-ups of violence amid the rubble of Port-au-Prince."
- AP
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100118/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/cb_haiti_earthquake

I live in a comfortable American home. I've been shopping twice in the past week. I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner today. I'm sitting in a padded chair typing on a computer in a warm house.

Why aren't I screaming my thanks to the heavens? While Haitians are dying, I am complaining that our kitchen isn't done being remodeled yet. What's wrong with me?

"Prayers of thanksgiving... rose from Haiti's huddled homeless Sunday..."

I want to help them. I want to pray every second for them. I love them, and I don't even know them.

I'm so thankful for His grace.

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins."
- Romans 3:23-24 (New Living Translation)

snow days.

I hate snow. But I really love snow days.

Missing school, shopping extravaganzas, staying up late (I've really got to stop that), movie nights, new discoveries, and many other things.

I have discovered upon this long weekend:

1. Starbucks has a rewards program. And it is awesome. Completely free. You get benefits after only 5 purchases. All you have to do is grab a gift card, load it up, and use it when you get your grande soy mocha gingerbread chocolate strawberries and cream celery frap no whip. https://www.starbucks.com/card/rewards/#num=01&id=Rewards_Home

2. Gap jeans are very expensive. Well, if you consider $80 a pair expensive- I do. So. eBay. Just so you know.

http://www.ebay.com/

3. I created a Twitter. Yes, I finally gave in. I have been under the pressure of my peers since shortly before this summer, in order to follow friends involved in drum corps. Well, never did. But now I have. So this summer, I'll keep in touch. And- once I completely figure it out (help would be appreciated; it's not the simplest thing in the world)- it really is cool.

http://twitter.com/missmelodycook

4. Ah. The Oatmeal. Just look at it. Trust me. (Okay. So it can be a hit-or-miss. But most of the time, the former. I like it. Just check it out and see for yourself.
http://theoatmeal.com/

5. Finally, I've saved (what I think to be) the best for last: StumbleUpon. This website is probably my favorite ever. Way beats social networking. You just join- it does involve a tool bar, but it's worth it!- and stumble! It takes you to random websites that relate to your interests (it surveys your interests- no psychics). StumbleUpon is the best. No, seriously.

http://stumbleupon.com/

I am thankful for
Snow days.

spilled milk.

We all make mistakes. Right? Tell me you've made a mistake. Whether it be something small- I've cheated on a math test (or two)- or not so small.

I made a mistake.

Well, that's unfortunate. What more can I say? I'm sorry? No. It's not always that simple. Did I just spill milk? Can I just clean it right up? Or will it take a little more than that?

I can't decide if this is a mistake or a mistake.
Things wind up, things wind down. I'm nervous, I relax. The general state of happiness causes the little things to get a lot bigger. So then maybe it is a little thing. Maybe I'm overreacting. I do tend to do that.

Isn't it silly to worry? We are intrepid; we carry on.

Maybe I didn't even spill milk...

5 something in the morning.

All I want to do is sleep. Seriously now. Please. I can't find the Benadryl. This is unfortunate.

It's 5:13 in the morning. What in the world am I supposed to do? I watched a few hours of House. Then I tried writing in the journal. Then sorted through music after planning on taking a hike tomorrow... Today. Then I tried looking up yoga and zumba classes. Now I've just given up. When will it be appropriate to leave for my hike?

It's 5:15 in the morning.

It's quite the playlist I made for my hike:

Albertine, Brooke Fraser. Boston, Augustana. Breathe, Taylor Swift. Desire, Ryan Adams. Your Hands Are Cold, Jean-Yves Thibaudet. You and Me [Extended Wedding Version], Lifehouse. Hometown Glory, Adele. New Favorite, Alison Krauss & Union Station. Things I'll Never Say, Avril Lavigne. Fall to Pieces, Avril Lavigne. You Led Me, BarlowGirl. Easy Silence, Dixie Chicks. Just For Now [Live], Imogen Heap. Keep Breathing, Ingrid Michaelson. Fractions, Emery. Why Georgia, John Mayer. Nicest Thing, Kate Nash. Infinity, Merrick. It's You, Michelle Branch. That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed), Panic at the Disco. Samson, Regina Spektor. Gravity, Sara Bareilles. Open Your Eyes, Snow Patrol. Stay, Sugarland. This Time, Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

I'm not sure what my favorite television show is... It may be a tie between Grey's and House. Mmm. Medical dramas. That's revealing.

I like music lately. I've been finding new stuff (for me). I have a varied taste- it's not special or different in any way. It's not extremely broad. It's funny, I guess. I like what I like, you know.

Oh. That'll be my life philosophy. I like what I like.

The things we come up with at 5:27 in the morning...

to do list.

I'm not much of a New Year's Resolution kind of person. I think they're silly. But, I will make a to do list.

2009 was a learning year for me. Beginning of junior year, driving, Governor's School, new friendships, oh so many mistakes and overreactions (I'm an expert at overreacting), and all of the everything that goes on within the span of 365 days.

2010, I want you to help me complete my to do list. Here it is (somewhat abridged):

1. Learn to cook (not bake).
2. Write letters to people I love.
3. Pray and read the Bible. Every day.
4. Start riding horses again.
5. Take a class in Zumba or Yoga.
6. Dress better.
7. Study biology.
8. Keep up with current events and have an informed opinion.
9. Read The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia.
10. Be more honest.
11. Expand my vocabulary and use French as often as possible.
12. Get a summer job.
13. Stop saying "Oh my God" and "[insert subject here] sucks."
14. Write another story.
15. Get my GPA back up and make a 30 on the ACT (fingers crossed!).
16. Apply to colleges and make a tentative decision.
17. Acquire a strand of real pearls.
18. Use lotion every day.
19. Go to bed earlier.
20. Redecorate my room.
21. Go to the symphony.
22. Visit a nursing home.
23. Tell someone about Jesus.
24. Be far more polite and respectful.
25. Keep a journal.

It's a little edited from my full version, which I wrote out in my journal (#25!). But there it is. My to do list for 2010.

Here's to hopes for the year 2010.