ring of fire.

I want to be on fire.

"But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries"
- On Fire, Switchfoot

I believe in different kinds of fire. I want that fire. The fire I had before.

Fire burns. I want to burn.

Fire is essence; it's continuously in motion- alive. I want to be alive.

I want to hear Him speak.

"If I acted crazy, I did it for God; if I acted overly serious, it was for you. Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do."
- 1 Corinthians 5:13-14 (The Message)

rhino virus.

Sick day.










I wish I lived where I live.
I am learning to drive a stick.
But it keeps stalling at stop signs.
I want music to pay for college.
Maybe I want music.
Maybe I don't.
I hate not knowing.
I prayed for Haiti today.
I never want to forget.
I miss the old days.
Except I'm not old enough to have old days.
I want to grow up faster than I will.
No, time will not fly by.
That's something you think after your life is over.
Not while it's happening.
I talk too loudly.
I wish I had taken dance lessons when I was little.
Everyone else did.
I have too many interests.
I want, need to volunteer.
I want to hold a beating heart.
That's on my bucket list.
Even though I don't have one.
I wish I knew about photography.
What am I good at?
I prayed for Haiti again.
I have a cold.
My throat hurts.
I wish I was kind.
I think too much.
I should get out and do more often.
I believe in God.
I am intrepid.

tolerate.

I have a hard time with tolerance.

I have my beliefs, and I like to think that I stick to them, yet keep an open mind.

But- honestly- I'm not so sure I do.
Sometimes I just nod and agree.
Sometimes I won't listen to anyone I do not agree with.

I want to have an open mind. I want to believe what I choose to believe. Is that possible? Does that make sense?

• I do not believe in abortion.
• I am economically conservative.
• I believe that same sex couples deserve more rights, even if I do not agree with their "lifestyle," as people call it.
• I do not think a woman should be president.
• I believe war is necessary sometimes.
• I believe in freedom of speech.
• I find the Patriot Act unpatriotic.
• I want to help others.

Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps my beliefs will change as I grow up and mature. Maybe you don't agree with me. Maybe I don't agree with you. That's okay. There's no such thing as black and white.

I want an open mind. I want to not judge. With the grace of my God alone can I do that.

• I believe my God is real.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I can't even look at other religions. I know Who's real. But in this world of political corrected-ness, I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to know that.

But I know Who is real.

two coins.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound to every good work."
-- 2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV

People always say, God is love.

Well, yeah. He's love. He created it. He loves harder than anything he created. But I also like to remember that God is grace.

God is grace.

Grace is such a powerful thing. I heard it described yesterday as "receiving what we do not deserve," while mercy is "not receiving what we do deserve." But that's another blog for another day.

Something so indescribably incredible. The greatest blessing we know. That which allows us a relationship with our Creator.

I hate the way that I am capable of ignoring His grace. I go throughout my day without noticing that grace is being showered on me at every moment. I am ungrateful and selfish. I want to stop. But the simple fact is: I like sin.

Yup. I just said that: I like sin. Why? Because it's easy.

But I see friends that walk with Him daily. And suddenly it's all I can think about. What am I missing out on? I miss praying as I walk down the hallway at school. I miss discovering the little things in the Bible that seemed to be written just for me. I miss having Someone to trust completely and wholly.

So why not give in, and trust Him with my entire self?

This isn't a post about some life changing epiphany I've had. No, it's just a restatement of the ungrateful wretch I am. It's a plea for accountability from the hardly existent readers of this blog.

Why the sudden (well, okay, fine, maybe not sudden) desire for grace? I read the story of the woman with two coins today.

From Mark 12:41-44 NIV --
"Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts of money. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, 'I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything - all she had to live on.'"

"'All the other gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford - she gave her all.'"
-- Mark 12:44 The Message

That verse is exactly what I want: To give my all, to give extravagantly. I want to be the woman who gives her every possession, totaling less than a penny, to God. Out of faith. Trusting that His grace is sufficient.

i believe in symmetry.

I want:
To help.
To make people laugh.
To not be so cruel.
To believe more.
To volunteer.
To never give up.
To be remembered as a good person.
To trust.
To let my freak flag fly.
To try harder.
To spend my time wiser.
To learn from mistakes.
To take others' examples.

I need:
To be eternal.

indescribable.

I love the color of the sky right after it's snowed. It's my favorite color in the whole world. It's almost grey, but not really. It's not blue, either. There's so much in there- lilac, periwinkle, gold, silver, etc. (I'm seeing newly opened boxes of Crayola as I write this)

It's beautiful. Those are the little things that make me think of God.

I wish I found more of those things throughout the day. I mean- I know there are countless "little things" that should make me think of Him. But I only catch a few. Like the color of the sky right after it's snowed.

Divine.

Exquisite.

Radiant.

Stunning.

I took a walk the second snow day. I took the Rebel with me. I ended up taking around 150 pictures. There were a select few that I thought captured my feelings that day. Those pictures- brace yourself, this might sound a little odd- were a form of worship for me. Those pictures might just be downright terrible photography- but I took them thinking of God's creation, and how Divine, Exquisite, Radiant, and Stunning it is.

I love my Adonai. I love His indescribable Works.

Indescribable, uncontainable

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name

You are amazing, God

All powerful, untameable

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing, God

- Indescribable, Chris Tomlin

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

- Psalm 139:23-24 NLT